Let’s agree on one thing. Cockroaches are bad, except when they can save your life. I’ll explain.

Search and rescue dogs, while wonderful, have their limitations – namely, the inability to fit into tiny spaces. Oh, you can shove a Chihuahua into a tiny hole but the yelping will drive you crazy. If you get lost in the Swiss Alps and a St Bernard comes along with a cask of brandy it’s not good. You’re still lost but now you’re drunk as well. Waking up from a bender and finding you’re in a snowbank is worse than losing your train of thought when trying to explain your erratic actions on the road to a cop.

A team of researchers has come up with a solution to the small space search question. They equipped cyborg cockroaches with high-tech computer chip backpacks. I know how a child will squeal and fidget on the doctor’s examining table but imagine how an innocent cockroach feels when one moment, its scurrying across the floor and the next they’re gluing a Radio Shack transmitter onto its back. PETA then spun off a small insect unit called People for the Ethical Treatment of Roaches (PETOR).

These cyborg cockroaches have a quarter-sized pack placed onto their back equipped with microphones to pick up high-resolution sound. Normally the only sound that cockroaches hear, are screams when they’ve been discovered. Here’s how it works. Their antennae help them sense their surroundings sort of like college students scanning for girls at a spring break beach.

Upon contact with any physical object, an antenna sends an electrical signal to the roach’s brain, which tells the insect to adjust course around whatever is in its way. Technically speaking, the signal says, ‘Hey, you’re going to get stepped on, better get the hell out of there’.

That’s why searchers will often send that Chihuahua in first with a sign around its neck which says, ‘We’re sending in roaches, please don’t stomp’.